Bachelor Casting – pt. 2

Let’s get right into the swing of things! (But in case you missed part 1, you can find it here!)

Danielle M. She kind of looks like Scarlett Johansson (and yes, I had to google the spelling of Scarlett’s name.) I like her already! And it looks like we’re starting round 2 on a good note; no mention of dolphins anywhere in her questionnaire! …oh. Sad. Found this season’s sob story. Her fiancé passed away. She’s also not as young as a lot of the other girls; I think she’ll end up going pretty far!

Dominique. One of her favorite movies is Titanic, which is another recurring answer. I can’t say I would list that in even my top 10. To each their own, I suppose. (Well, to each the same as at least half of the other girls, but you get the point.) She also mentions Chipotle burritos multiple times, and that’s totally something I can get behind.

Elizabeth. Okay, she has (Liz) next to her name. Why not just go by Liz in the Bio then? Especially if that’s what she’ll go by on the show. I don’t get it. Huh. And she’s a doula! I’m sure they’ll make a big deal about that, since she’s not a model, RN, or small business owner. (Am I the only one having flashbacks to ED specialist, Evan?) YES. Liz is the realest of the real so far. She admitted to picking her nose while in her car and being a Belieber. You do you, Liz.

Elizabeth. Ah, now I understand why Elizabeth #1 is going by Liz. It all makes sense. “Where do you meet guys? … I’d prefer to meet through mutual friends or in front of millions of weekly viewers. :)” So good. She knows how absurd the whole premise of this show is. Hmm she also has misophonia, or the fear of sound. (More specifically, “ a condition in which negative emotions, thoughts, and physical reactions are triggered by specific sounds.”) Interesting. I’m sure the producers won’t play that up at all.

Hailey. Can we just pause for a second to think about all of the different ways people spell the name Hailey? Too many. Ooh, she’s Canadian. Think they’ll play it up as much as they did Daniel? Probably. She loves 90s Sheryl Crow. Ya know, she totally looks like she’d love 90s music. In fact, she kind of looks like she’s just straight out of the 90s. “Only children are strange.” Well – tell us how ya really feel, Hailey! Hah. I don’t think she’s going to last too long. (I don’t have any reasoning behind that.)

I’m kind of bored by this middle group of girls. As hilariously un-diverse as the dolphin gang was, at least they had interesting answers! I’m a little bored. But I’ll keep on keepin’ on – full steam ahead!

Ida Marie. I can’t decide if I like Ida Marie’s shirt of not. On the one hand, I think it’s pretty unique and something I’d like to wear. But on the other hand…it kind of looks like you could make it for $3. The world may never know. I also half expected her to be ex-Mormon or ex-Amish. Sorry for making judgements on your name, Ida Marie!

What is your favorite all-time book and why?: I need to read more books.

Who is your favorite author?: Again, I need to read more books.

I wonder if these questionnaires consist of like…25 questions, and the producers just choose the most interesting answers. Oh jeebus. If Ida Marie could be any fruit, she would be a strawberry because “they are sexual and taste great with wine.” Just…no.

Jaimi. She has a “symbol of her initials” as a tattoo. Does that just mean…her initials? She also can apparently bench press men with her legs. That’s what she’d do to impress a guy. Wouldn’t that just be a leg press? Details. I wonder if she’s actually done that, or only leg pressed the weight of what she thinks a guy would weigh. Ohhh oh oh. I hope she leg presses Nick during her limo exit/introduction. That would be hilarious. Annd nope, she lost me. She is a “Pesco-pollo-lacto-ovo-paro-tarian.” Is it really easier to say that than “I eat fish, birds, and animal byproducts like milk” ?!?

Also, I’m only HALF WAY through the list of girls. This is absurd. I may have bitten off more than I can chew. Oh, but it’s after 5 now. Time to pour a glass of wine. But really. Only half way. Why so many!?

Jasmine B. If I had nothing else to do in my day to day life (and wasn’t married, or attached to anyone in any way) I would be a flight attendant like Jasmine B. I would probably be a little bit miserable – so many grumpy people – but just think of all the places you’d get to visit! Annnnd her favorite author is Steve Harvey. Really?! There are so many great authors out there and you choose this guy.

Jasmine G. Jasmine has a tattoo on her inner lip. If my reading comprehension is on point, it’s a sorority tattoo. Dear sister, I greatly appreciate you not getting your letters tattooed on the inside of your mouth. Unless there’s something I’m unaware of. Annnnd apparently we’re starting a new trend, at least with the Jasmines; admiring people that probably shouldn’t be admired. She would like to be Guy Fieri for a day. Alton Brown, Anthony Bourdain, Michael Symon…..if you’d like to be a chef for a day, there are WAY better choices. A lot of people also would like to be Olivia Pope from Scandal. I’ve never seen it, but I guess she’s pretty BA?

Josephine. Josephine’s occupation is “Unemployed Nurse.” At that point wouldn’t you just pick something like “Dog Walker” or “Aspiring Dolphin Trainer”? I would. Unless she’s hoping to get a job out of this, in which case – good luck, chica. Oh. And she’s not 5’7″, not 5’7.5″, but 5′7.75“. That .75” is super important, obviously. Omg. Okay. So when I first saw her picture, I thought ‘Jew nose‘ to myself, but wasn’t going to type it since that’s a little mean. But she IS Jewish! So I feel a little less bad.

Kristina. Well. Shoot. Kristina’s bio got heavy reeeeal fast. She’d like to know if her biological mother thinks choosing alcohol over her kids was worth it. Womp. Ohmygosh, and a fictional character that isn’t a Disney character! Kristina is an individual! 😛 (She would like to be Fiona from Shrek, in case you were wondering.)

Lacey. Lucky (?) number 20! Okay and I like her already. She would eat a meal with Shakespeare, JK Rowling, and Joe Jonas. That is quite an excellent selection of people. Wow. And she has 2 degrees and knows Arabic. You’re too good for this show, Lacey!! Well, everyone is, really. But especially you! I can’t decide if I want her to do well because she’s awesome, or if I want her to get out early so she can do something more with her life. We shall see!

Annnd with that, we have 10 more girls to go! That will have to wait for another day. This is hard work! 😛

Bachelor Casting – pt. 1

Guys guys guys, the casting list for the upcoming season of The Bachelor was posted today! I thought it would be fun to write up a blog post as I read through the list of  this season’s cast. But I also have things to do, so I’m going to do it in a couple of chunks. Here are the first 8 of 30! (30!? That’s more than usual. There is also more diversity in the group this year – way to go, Bachelor franchise!) And before you judge (though I’m sure some of you already are…and that’s okay,) I am fully aware of how awful this show is. Just go with it, okay? 🙂

Alexis. Her occupation is listed as ‘Aspiring Dolphin Trainer.’ Welp. Starting this season off with a bang. Also, she’s 23. I’m officially of the age where I’m older than most reality TV stars. Well, maybe with the exception of some cooking shows. There’s still a chance! She can’t live without her fake eyelashes? Where do they find these people? I can say with confidence that I’ve never used fake eyelashes in my 26 years of life and I’ve turned out just fine.

Angela. Okay so far I’m sensing a theme. If she could be any animal, she would be a dolphin. I didn’t mention it, but Alexis said she’d like to be a dolphin too. I mean, I get it. Dolphins are pretty cool, I’m just surprised there were two dolphin lovers in a row is all. If she never had to drive herself anywhere, she’d be very happy. I feel ya, Angela. That’s why you’ve gotta find a hubby who likes to drive! Huh. And she licks the popcorn bag. I can’t say I’ve done that, but I imagine it would taste like popcorn butter. I’ll take it. I like you, Angela.

Astrid. Okay first off, Astrid, you’ve got a cool name. Her bio says she’s 5’7.5″ – obviously that half inch is very important to her! Annnd ohmygod we have another girl that wants to be a dolphin. Her reasoning is the best so far too, (and by best, I mean probably the worst…) “so I could rescue lost sailors and swim in the ocean doing tricks.” Do dolphins even rescue sailors? Maybe she’s thinking of mermaids, and by rescue she means drag down to the bottom of the ocean. Maybe. Annnd she can’t live without her ‘lashes’ either. Are dolphins and fake eyelashes the new Pumpkin Spice Latte/leggings and ugg boots or something? Geez. Nexxxxt.

Briana. It might just be because I’ve been listening to the Moana soundtrack for a couple of days straight, but I’m now replacing the name Moana with Briana in my head. Briana, make way make way…Briana it’s time you knew – the village of Motunui is all you neeeeed…. Okay sorry. Back on topic. Briana has nice arms. It also kind of looks like this was the 426th photo the Bachelor team took, and she was kind of forcing this smile. NO FREAKIN WAY. She also wants to be a dolphin. They must have all gotten together and discussed their animal of choice. Another trend is answering the fictional character question as wanting to be Ariel/the Little Mermaid. I don’t get it.

Brittany. Okay I actually don’t even have anything amusing to say about Brittany. I think I’d be friends with her. She seems too normal for the Bachelor franchise, which means either a) she won’t last long or b) she has a crazy side that doesn’t really show in a short questionnaire. Time will tell.

Christen. Huh. She’s a wedding videographer. That job sounds way too stressful. And she has “the life of Jesus in symbols” as a tattoo on her wrist. I can’t even comprehend what that would look like. I imagine we’ll see it on-screen at some point. Lol. She would break into the White House and observe from a storage closet if she could get away with it. I have a feeling that would actually get quite boring. OH thank goodness. A break in the dolphin trend. She’d like to be a wild mustang! You seem alright, Christen.

Corrine. I feel like if I wrote YA fiction, the snobby girl in my book would be named Corrine. I’m not quite sure why. Let’s see if my preconceived notions of the name match up with her answers! ..annnd surprisingly nothing really stuck out to me. She would be a cheetah, so at least we’re continuing the downward swing of dolphins? She also owns her own (online) business, so that’s pretty cool. Unless she just sells ItWorks! or LulaRoe or whatever. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

Danielle. She has a butterfly tattoo on the back of each ankle. Wouldn’t that hurt? Why 2? Why butterflies? So many unanswered questions. Her reasoning for wanting to be a fox is pretty on point; “they are responsive, sometimes cunning and adaptive.” I like it. Annnd I just choked on my water from chortling. Do people actually use the word chortle? Anyway, the most outrageous thing she’s done…”I climbed up on a cliff and swung from a rope on top of a waterfall jumping into the water. The sign said “Locals Only,” but we did it anyways.” That ending. I can’t even.

I’m going to aim to have another chunk up tonight, but no promises.




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